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Detroit Pistons schedule in 82 sentences

Wed. Oct. 27 at New Jersey 7:00 p.m.

Both teams are excited to open the season with a game they’re convinced they’ll win. -Dan Feldman

Fri. Oct. 29 Oklahoma City 8:00 p.m.

Sorry, but I think Oden-over-Durant will go down as a worse pick than Darko-over-Melo. -Patrick Hayes

Sat. Oct. 30 at Chicago 8:00 p.m.

With four years and 81 games left until his contract expires, don’t expect max effort from Carlos Boozer. -D.F.

Tue. Nov. 2 Boston 7:30 p.m.

I know it’s early in the season, but I would be willing to bet that at least one of the McGrady-Hamilton-Prince-Shaq-Jermaine O’Neil-KG group misses this game. -P.H.

Wed. Nov. 3 at Atlanta 7:00 p.m.

Joe Johnson and Richard Hamilton square off to prove the other is the league’s most-overpaid shooting guard. -D.F.

Fri. Nov. 5 Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

Larry Brown’s three PGs are D.J. Augustin, Sherron Collins and Shaun Livingston, which is great considering how much LB loves young PGs. -P.H.

Sun. Nov. 7 Golden State 6:00 p.m.

Greg Monroe said he doesn’t play with a chip on his shoulder, so this game has no significance. -D.F.

Tue. Nov. 9 at Portland 10:00 p.m.

Nicholas Batum will become a young, super-charged version Tayshaun Prince this season. -P.H.

Fri. Nov. 12 at L.A. Clippers 10:30 p.m.

How are the Pistons going to spend their two days off on the West Coast before this game? -D.F.

Sun. Nov. 14 at Sacramento 6:00 p.m.

Prediction: DeMarcus Cousins will play awesome, followed by MLive commenters saying, “Dumars is an idiot for not trading Jason Maxiell for him.” -P.H.

Mon. Nov. 15 at Golden State 10:30 p.m.

The Warriors become the first team the Pistons can scratch off the schedule – until June. -D.F.

Wed. Nov. 17 L.A. Lakers 7:30 p.m.

Greg Monroe will get tested against the best frontcourt in the NBA. -P.H.

Sun. Nov. 21 Washington 6:00 p.m.

Flip Saunders could be a great coach for John Wall in the short term. -D.F.

Tue. Nov. 23 at Dallas 8:30 p.m.

Tyson Chandler will play well and MLive commenters will say, “Dumars is an idiot for not trading Rip Hamilton for him.” -P.H.

Wed. Nov. 24 at Memphis 8:00 p.m.

I really like Xavier Henry’s game and look forward to watching him – if the Grizzlies sign him. -D.F.

Fri. Nov. 26 Milwaukee 7:30 p.m.

Prediction: After the Corey Maggette trade and Drew Gooden/John Salmons signings don’t work out so well, people will stop treating John Hammond like a genius. -P.H.

Sun. Nov. 28 New York 1:30 p.m.

Amar’e Stoudemire should be well rested if he observes the Sabbath the day prior. -D.F.

Tue. Nov. 30 at Orlando 7:00 p.m.

You know, even when they were terrible last season, the Pistons still inexplicably played Orlando pretty well. -P.H.

Wed. Dec. 1 at Miami 7:30 p.m.

I can’t see any reason to be intrigued by this game whatsoever. -D.F.

Fri. Dec. 3 Orlando 7:30 p.m.

Tight-shirt-loving Dwight Howard will say “forget the extra smalls” and just make the jump to youth-sized jerseys this season. -P.H.

Sun. Dec. 5 Cleveland 6:00 p.m.

I’m legitimately curious whether the Pistons or Cavaliers will be better this year. -D.F.

Tue. Dec. 7 at Houston 8:30 p.m.

Tracy McGrady’s return to Houston should be intriguing, because even if things didn’t end well there, it wasn’t his fault. -P.H.

Wed. Dec. 8 at New Orleans 8:00 p.m.

Happy seventh night of Channukah! -D.F.

Fri. Dec. 10 at Minnesota 8:00 p.m.

Darko, Kahn! -P.H.

Sat. Dec. 11 Toronto 7:30 p.m.

Could Richard Hamilton be auditioning for a trade to the Raptors this night? -D.F.

Tue. Dec. 14 Atlanta 7:30 p.m.

The Hawks fired Mike Woodson for not always getting through to his players, among other things, so it makes sense that they replaced him with a first-time coach from his own staff. -P.H.

Fri. Dec. 17 L.A. Clippers 7:30 p.m.

I liked the Clippers’ roster – then they hired Vinny Del Negro. -D.F.

Sun. Dec. 19 New Orleans 6:00 p.m.

Over/under on how many “Pistons should trade for Chris Paul” comments will show up in game threads all over the state is 425. -P.H.

Wed. Dec. 22 at Toronto 7:00 p.m.

I hope the Pistons use one of their five days off surrounding this game to enjoy the amazing internationalness of Toronto that endeared the city to Hedo Turkoglu. -D.F.

Sun. Dec. 26 Chicago 6:00 p.m.

The Pistons get a coveted day-after-Christmas game. -P.H.

Mon. Dec. 27 at Charlotte 7:00 p.m. NBA TV

Does it count as a nationally televised game if I don’t know anybody who gets the channel? -D.F.

Wed. Dec. 29 Boston 7:30 p.m.

Bets on whether Jermaine and Shaquille O’Neal will combine to average 15 points per game? -P.H.

Fri. Dec. 31 at Phoenix 9:00 p.m.

Being Canadian, will Steve Nash also celebrate New Year’s this night? -D.F.

Mon. Jan. 3 at Utah 9:00 p.m.

With Al Jefferson and Paul Milsap up front, the Pistons might actually have a height advantage in this game. -P.H.

Tue. Jan. 4 at L.A. Lakers 10:30 p.m.

Loss. -D.F.

Sat. Jan. 8 Philadelphia 7:30 p.m.

Prediction: Rip Hamilton will give Philly assistant Michael Curry an anti-shoutout before the game. -P.H.

Mon. Jan. 10 at Chicago 8:00 p.m.

Hopefully, Ben Gordon has hit his groove by this point and can make the Bulls regret letting him go. -D.F.

Wed. Jan. 12 Memphis 7:30 p.m.

Although the obvious choice for worst contract off the offseason is Joe Johnson, my underdog pick is Rudy Gay. -P.H.

Fri. Jan. 14 at Toronto 7:00 p.m.

I have run out of things to say about Pistons-Raptors matchups. -D.F.

Sat. Jan. 15 Sacramento 7:30 p.m.

OK, so the Pistons didn’t get Cousins, but how about trying to pry away Samuel Dalembert with Prince’s expiring contract? -P.H.

Mon. Jan. 17 Dallas 3:30 p.m.

I legitimately enjoy tying basketball with Martin Luther King Day and Fox Sports Detroit’s tasteful broadcasts. -D.F.

Wed. Jan. 19 at Boston 7:30 p.m.

I don’t know how Rajon Rondo is going to make it through this season with all of these old people without going crazy. -P.H.

Fri. Jan. 21 at New Jersey 7:00 p.m.

Hey, maybe Sebastian Pruiti will do an NBA Playbook post about the Pistons after watching this game. -D.F.

Sat. Jan. 22 Phoenix 7:30 p.m.

Guy who is going to have a breakout year: Hakim Warrick, whom Nash will make a poor man’s Amar’e Stoudemire. -P.H.

Mon. Jan. 24 at Orlando 7:00 p.m.

Third game in three cities in four nights + playing premier team = loss. -D.F.

Wed. Jan. 26 Denver 7:30 p.m.

Chauncey Billups and Arron Afflalo returning will cause a larger than normal number of “Dumars sucks” comments (PP commenter Laser nods head in anticipation). -P.H.

Fri. Jan. 28 at Miami 7:30 p.m.

Calling right now that the Pistons will win this game. -D.F.

Sun. Jan. 30 at New York 7:30 p.m.

I’m actually more intrigued by Anthony Randolph in Mike D’Antoni’s offense than Amar’e. -P.H.

Wed. Feb. 2 Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

The combined agony of the Pistons’ 6,000 wing players about being defended by Gerald Wallace and Stephen Jackson will be a league high. -D.F.

Fri. Feb. 4 New Jersey 7:30 p.m.

Nellie Ball guys all over the league (Randolph, Matt Barnes, Anthony Tolliver) will all help, but I love Anthony Morrow on the Nets. -P.H.

Sat. Feb. 5 at Milwaukee 8:30 p.m.

If you want to argue there was a free agent the Pistons should have, and could have signed, it’s Drew Gooden. -D.F.

Tue. Feb. 8 San Antonio 7:30 p.m.

We’ll know how well the season is going for the Pistons if Antonio McDyess gets a bigger ovation than anyone in the Pistons’ starting five. -P.H.

Wed. Feb. 9 at Cleveland 7:00 p.m.

When guys talk about not going pro early, spending a Wednesday night in Cleveland in February is usually their main reason. -D.F.

Fri. Feb. 11 Miami 7:30 p.m.

The Heat will be considering trading Chris Bosh by this point in the season. -P.H.

Sun. Feb. 13 Portland 6:00 p.m.

Could Chris Paul be a Trail Blazers by now? -D.F.

Mon. Feb. 14 Atlanta 7:30 p.m.

Bold prediction: The Hawks will not be a playoff team this year. -P.H.

Wed. Feb. 16 Indiana 7:30 p.m.

The Greg Monroe-Roy Hibbert Georgetown center matchup won’t resemble Patrick Ewing-Alonzo Mourning in the slightest, but because of lack of storylines, it will be mentioned leading up to, and after, the game. -D.F.

Tue. Feb. 22 Houston 7:30 p.m.

Bold Prediction part deux: The Rockets will be a playoff team, whether or not Yao is healthy. -P.H.

Wed. Feb. 23 at Indiana 7:00 p.m.

The Greg Monroe-Roy Hibbert Georgetown center matchup won’t resemble Patrick Ewing-Alonzo Mourning in the slightest, but because of lack of storylines, it will be mentioned leading up to, and after, the game. -D.F.

Fri. Feb. 25 at Philadelphia 7:00 p.m.

One day, Philadelphia is going to regret passing on DeMarcus Cousins the way the Pistons regret passing on Melo. -P.H.

Sat. Feb. 26 Utah 7:30 p.m.

Gordon Hayward will be the first of this year’s draft picks to be labeled a bust, and by this point, most will see why. -D.F.

Tue. Mar. 1 at Milwaukee 8:00 p.m.

Seriously, signing Drew Gooden long term is indefensible. -P.H.

Wed. Mar. 2 Minnesota 7:30 p.m.

Darko makes his triumphant return to The Palace as the Timberwolves’ third highest-paid player (Michael Beasley is No. 1!). -D.F.

Sun. Mar. 6 Washington 6:00 p.m.

I think the Wizards will be really fun to watch this year, and Gilbert Arenas will be the biggest redemption story of the season. -P.H.

Wed. Mar. 9 at San Antonio 8:30 p.m.

The Pistons were the Darko pick away from being the Spurs. -D.F.

Fri. Mar. 11 at Oklahoma City 8:00 p.m.

It seems like only yesterday the atmosphere at the Palace was fun like it is in OKC – actually, no, Detroit fans got pretty lame and bandwagony after 2003. -P.H.

Sat. Mar. 12 at Denver 9:00 p.m.

Before this game, I will likely bring up how badly I wanted to draft Ty Lawson over Austin Daye. -D.F.

Wed. Mar. 16 Toronto 7:30 p.m.

Bryan Colangelo should’ve got more heat for calling out Chris Bosh – not classy. -P.H.

Fri. Mar. 18 New York 7:30 p.m.

Prediction: Landry Fields or Andy Rautins will carry the Knicks to victory. -D.F.

Sun. Mar. 20 at Atlanta 2:00 p.m.

At least once, Josh Smith is going to threaten a quadruple-double this season. -P.H.

Wed. Mar. 23 Miami 7:30 p.m.

Will this game get more coverage as part of the chase for 72? -D.F.

Fri. Mar. 25 at Cleveland 7:30 p.m.

Is it a stretch to think Mo Williams will make the All-NBA Second Team? -P.H.

Sat. Mar. 26 Indiana 7:30 p.m.

This game is so jealous of the next one for being on ESPN. -D.F

Wed. Mar. 30 at Indiana 7:00 p.m. ESPN

I don’t understand how people can watch the Pacers on local TV, let alone national TV. -P.H.

Fri. Apr. 1 Chicago 7:30 p.m.

Hopefully, this game has real playoff implications, but that’s probably a dream. -D.F.

Sun. Apr. 3 at Boston 6:00 p.m.

This should be right in the midst of Boston actually trying hard in preparation for the playoffs. – P.H.

Tue. Apr. 5 at Washington 7:00 p.m.

By this point, Gilbert Arenas has probably undone any good Flip Saunders did for John Wall. -D.F

Wed. Apr. 6 New Jersey 7:30 p.m.

Remember when the Nets made a huge splash by signing Anthony Morrow, Travis Outlaw and Jordan Farmar? -P.H.

Fri. Apr. 8 Milwaukee 7:30 p.m.

If this game occurred one day earlier, the Pistons could avoid a Thursday-less regular season. -D.F

Sun. Apr. 10 at Charlotte 6:00 p.m.

Prediction: At least six players who weren’t on Charlotte’s roster to start the season will now be on it – that, or Larry Brown will be coaching at Chaminade or something. -P.H.

Mon. Apr. 11 Cleveland 7:30 p.m.

If we’re still happy the season is going at this point, I’d consider that a minor victory. -D.F

Wed. Apr. 13 at Philadelphia 8:00 p.m.

I was talking myself into liking Wes Johnson more than Evan Turner before the draft, but then I found out that David Kahn also liked Wes Johnson and I felt like an idiot. -P.H.

7 Comments

  • [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Detroit Pistons Buzz, PistonPowered Feed. PistonPowered Feed said: Detroit Pistons schedule in 82 sentences: Wed. Oct. 27 at New Jersey 7:00 p.m. Both teams are excited to open th… http://bit.ly/afmoeS [...]

  • Aug 11, 20101:42 am
    by Tads

    Reply

    This was awesome.  You should do more of this “one sentence for every…”  posts

  • Aug 11, 20102:46 am
    by Laser

    Reply

    this is good fun, but naturally it assumes no further roster moves. if that ends up being the case, you could have saved yourself the effort and just written “pistons are noncompetitive, lose” for about sixty of them.
     
    as for that first celtics game, i think it’s a safe bet hamilton misses that game. because he’ll be in some other city playing a different game.

  • Aug 11, 20108:10 am
    by Patrick Hayes

    Reply

    @Laser:
    Who’s going to trade for Hamilton right now? It would be foolish for a team to deal for him without seeing if he’s relatively healthy, unless the Pistons are just going to give him away, and they haven’t indicated they are at that point yet.

  • Aug 11, 20104:00 pm
    by Laser

    Reply

    they haven’t indicated anything, but what are they going to say? they’re not going to come out and announce that they’re giving him away, but they’ve got to be shopping him heavily and planning on taking the best available offer, even if it’s nothing.
     
    who’d trade for him? minnesota, new jersey, sacramento, chicago, maybe the cavs might have interest. i dunno. he presents an upgrade to those teams. all struck out in free agency besides chicago, and chicago’s going forward with second rate SGs. if they intend on contending, a guy like rip would be a great addition.
     
    i understand the issue of his health being a concern, but if we want to establish value for rip, i can’t think of a worse way to do it than “showcasing” him in this hodgepodge perimeter while we lose game after game. i think they’re just going to give him away, and t-mac softens the blow and provides some insurance.
     
    even in the right system (read: another system) i can’t imagine rip EVER establishing enough value to make that contract look appealing. it’ll never happen. so the price you pay for having extended his contract two seasons ago is that you end up parting with him for nothing. which is better than holding onto him in the vain hope  that he suddenly turns into a different player after a dozen years in the league.
     
    do you honestly expect this team to go forward without any further trades, hayes?? for realz?

  • Aug 11, 201011:37 pm
    by Patrick Hayes

    Reply

    I could see Cleveland, definitely, since Dan Gilbert loves all things Pistons. Minnesota and Sacramento are clearing salary and going young, so I highly doubt they’d be interested in a pricey vet signed longterm.
    Chicago has Luol Deng and Kyle Korver both signed long term on the perimeter. Doubt they’d want to pay Hamilton too. NJ signed Anthony Morrow to a really reasonable deal, plus added Travis Outlaw to a not-so-reasonable deal, and they have Terrance Williams in the mix as well. Plus, they are also a team that is young and probably not interested in a long deal for a vet.
    I’ve never once said they are set as is. I’ve said that there’s not a pressing reason to make a deal before training camp. Hamilton’s value is certainly not going to get worse before then, and the health of McGrady and Prince are far from certainties.
    I’m an advocate of making the best deal the team can make. That very well might be dumping Hamilton for nothing, but I don’t think it’s possible to do that right now. You always mention his contract. Well, who is going to give up an expiring contract or trade exception for him right now? That’s about as likely as a team giving up a good big man for him. Pipe dream.
    Salary relief, to me, is value. Right now if they trade him, I would be shocked if they could do it without taking someone else’s albatross of a contract in return. That’s not a win to me.
    If he has a good camp/preseason/early season and shows he’s healthy, then yeah, some team might be willing to part with more for him, whether it’s a useful player or just simply taking on most of his contract. Maybe he won’t have a good preseason or camp, but if he doesn’t, they’re still no worse off than they are right now. No harm in waiting.

  • Aug 13, 201011:30 pm
    by Laser

    Reply

    nobody’s health is a certainty. thing is, even with mcgrady we are a DEEP team. depth isn’t our problem. we are plenty deep. we got shattered by injuries last season, and we had plenty of guys to step up. and really, we don’t have anyone SO good that we can’t afford to lose them. if it’s not big ben, i suppose tayshaun’s the least expendable. but we’ve got guys who can fill in effectively for even our most valuable guys, as jj and max did for tay and ben.
     
    the problem is that we’ve got 15 players who are bunched very tightly together as far as talent level and overall value to the team. 15 guys who can contribute in some way, not really anyone who stands very far above the crowd. ask ten people who the least expendable piston is and you’ll get six different answers. we have plenty of guys who are B players, and a few As depending on who you ask.
     
    our opinions obviously differ, but i’d say we have a very pressing need to make a deal. i don’t understand how any sane, rational person could think stuckey, rip, bynum, gordon, tayshaun and t-mac have a chance at success. it’s a recipe for unhappy, unproductive players. there’s only 24 minutes for each, and daye rots on the bench with summers and white. at any given time there’s almost certainly at least (and, realistically, at most) three of them on the bench.
     
    with a very deep and solid frontcourt i’d have serious doubts about all these guys getting playing time and thriving as a unit. the only CHANCE i could see it working is on a superteam making a run with the deepest perimeter in the history of the game (if you can think of a deeper one, ever, name it). so everyone sacrifices shots and minutes (to an unfathomable extent, so much so that everyone’s going to have to find a rhythm in 30 seconds or probably head right back to the bench. and why, really, would you bother leaving any one of these guys in if it looks like they’re having an off night?) in the hope of winning a title. nobody thinks that’s happening.
     
    what do we have to accomplish here? the only “upside” angle here is that you could theoretically throw out whatever combination of players you want in an attempt to create matchup problems, but that’s going to lead to inconsistent minutes and roles for everyone, and i just don’t see rip being very effective in such a “freelance” offense.
     
    nobody’s going to be able to produce. if you want to showcase anyone to establish value it’s not going to work. they’ll be individually and collectively horrible. this isn’t like boston or miami where players come together and take a lesser role to win a championship. joe threw them together because they happened to be available. and there’s nothing to win, so i don’t understand the motivation. you want to fill seats? exactly how much do you expect t-mac to contribute? joe said flat out that he wouldn’t make a move just to make it, but that’s exactly what this is (in that it’s a change that’s going to hurt the future, and very likely the present, of the team).
     
    and if you have a shred of interest in developing any of our young guys, you’re further squeezing minutes away from everyone. so even if you add only daye, you’re looking at perimeter rotation that’s seven men deep. that’s an ENTIRE short rotation. how many men are we supposed to play?? given that we have no clue what to expect out of monroe or cv, you’re certainly looking at a five man frontcourt rotation.
     
    how can anyone think this is going to work. you think hamilton’s value isn’t going to get worse? just you wait. the only thing REMOTELY appealing about holding onto him is that we’ll slowly pay off that horrendous contract and it’ll be less money for his new team to take on. what a delightful waiting game that figures to be.
     
    there’s hardly anything i wouldn’t take for rip. bad contracts, whatever. eddy curry if new york wants some production and scoring. heck, i’ll send new york rip and a few second rounders. i would even be willing to pay a chunk of his salary for the benefit of NOT having him in this backcourt. you think somebody else’s albatross isn’t a win for us? at least that albatross isn’t going to be given an automatic role (no matter how badly he fits the system) with loads of minutes and shots.
     
    plenty of harm in waiting. that much i’m sure of. you can’t honestly think this perimeter sixsome will yield positive results in any way.

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